I underlined an excellent line in Camus' The Plague several years ago. I have not found it on the internet, and I don't have my copy here, though perhaps I should have tried harder. This one is close: "Thus, for example, a feeling normally as individual as the ache of separation from those one loves suddenly became a feeling in which all shared alike and-together with fear that the greatest affliction of the long period of exile that lay ahead." (Part 2)
Though this line describes a dire situation far worse than mine (as I have been blessed on this deployment), it speaks to a very common human emotion, one that defines, in part, every deployed experience. At the individual level, it describes the way I felt in Scotland; at the collective level, it describes the way soldiers and contractors feel in Afghanistan.
Distance is the distinction; psychology is the reason. Distance from loved ones causes a particular strain of agony, and the mind, to self-heal, reacts to this agony by figuratively deadening the nerves that allow us to perceive this longing. But longing is a symptom we feel as validation of our deepest commitments. The mind hardens, severs this connection, and trades our empathetic capacity for the ability to keep our heads down and drive forward.
This is not unique to deployed soldiers. I'm willing to argue that this phenomenon is at the heart of most failed relationships. For although distance may be the literal root cause for deployed soldiers, anything that causes emotional distance can be just a devastating.
'Maturity' is the talent required to stay this mental and emotional coup. To seek out ways to make oneself weaker is, at select times, a mature decision.
Anyway, these are the things that come to mind when I try to summarize my thoughts on this deployment. I have nothing dramatic to report-- no earth-shattering revelations of the human condition. Just a few observations that spring to mind. I figured I'd have more to say, but like everything under sun... it's been said before, probably by someone more eloquent than I.
I have a few more shots to develop, but I doubt we'll get those before I redeploy (come home). These pictures were probably taken in the September/ early-October timeframe.
If this is the last Afghanistan Series, I want to thank everyone for reading. I've had a relatively pleasant deployment experience. I was lucky to have the luxury of photography to keep me occupied and creatively engaged.
One day, if I ever commit to self-actualization, I'll finish that novel. Maybe then I'll look back on this experience and glean something of value to pass onto others. Until then, I can't want to get home.
Love,
Anthony
